What my top 5 pieces tell us about midlife women right now

OK, six.

Photo by Eileen Pan on Unsplash

The other night we had our regular monthly chat. These chats are one of my favourite things about The Shift and that’s saying something because it’s no exaggeration to say the whole The Shift experience is one big privilege.

While we were chatting, I mentioned that the piece I wrote a couple of weeks ago about women’s libido and atrophy and the fact that STILL nobody wants to talk about it (Yep, in our TMI age, it seems one thing is still taboo and that’s women’s ageing vulvas. Surprise!) was a massive smash hit. I’ve had some popular pieces over the last couple of years, but few have taken off quite so quickly and so vocally as that one. In the spirit of it still being a conversation that we feel we have to have behind closed doors, I spent several days after the piece was published answering DMs from women suffering from atrophy and/or libido loss, who were struggling to get help, and it also spawned an interesting Instagram thread. Like most things women’s health-related, scratch the surface and you’ll find a whole ugly world of untreated, dismissed and sidelined problems.

Anyway, last night we got talking about why that might be and what The Shifters who turned up to the chat might like to see more of here going forward. Cue an epic conversation about ageing, midlife shifts, life upheaval, the search for meaning and the perimenopause symptoms many were struggling with. (Also a minefield of confusion around the supplements endlessly being flogged at us right now. I’m thinking more about that for a future newsletter. Do let me know your thoughts.)

The upshot was, everyone just wanted more help, more other women’s experiences, more openness, more advice. Wanted, in short, to feel less alone. And, honestly, don’t we all? I mean, it’s how I came to be here in the first place. My experience of a rough perimenopause was so lonely and isolating, above all else (and there was plenty else, believe me), that I wanted to make a space where other women wouldn’t feel the way I had. Which, not to put a fine point on it, was totally shit, irrelevant, lacking in confidence, over. (Luckily, I was wrong.) Or, if they did, they’d have somewhere to sound off!

After we finished chatting last night I started digging around in the stats to see which other pieces had really resonated with you, to see if there was a pattern and what it could tell us about what life looks like for women in midlife and beyond – by which I mean 40ish upwards (midlife at 80? Why the hell not, it’s an attitude not an age etc etc).

To be honest, I was pretty startled by what I found because the top 5 pieces (plus the libido one I mentioned earlier) all seemed to be saying one thing: HELP.

HELP! I’ve lost my libido. HELP! I’m bleeding buckets and no-one will take me seriously. HELP! I want to blow up my life. Am I mad? (answer: if you are, so are the rest of us). HELP! I’m so angry I don’t know where it’s come from or what to do with my rage. HELP! Everyone I know wants out of their marriage. HELP! My life is eating me whole, chewing me up and spitting me out again. What the hell do I do?

I’m summarising and generalising wildly, of course, but that’s the gist of it. These pieces say, our lives are in flux; our bodies are changing and so are our attitudes, what we think is acceptable, what we’re prepared to put up with; we want out; we want change; and we want help to navigate this oh-so tricky transition. A transition which, as I’ve alluded to, is as likely to happen at 70 as 50.

So, two things:

First, I decided to take the paywall off all five (six) of those pieces* so you can all have the chance to read them. And feel free to share them, too, if you know someone who you think would enjoy them or find them useful. (*Just until the end of the weekend.)

And second, I’ve opened up the comments on this post, because I’d really love to know what you think. What does the popularity of these pieces in particular say about our lives right now? Your life? And what would you like to see more of? More than anything I want The Shift to help you navigate this, well, shift.

Here are the pieces that spoke to you most, in reverse order. And please do comment below, I’d love to hear more from you:

1. Let’s Talk About Women’s Libido and Atrophy.

   Hands up anyone who's ever been made to feel entitled for wanting sex that doesn't hurt! Plus the things I've found that actually helped me

2. It Took Over Two Decades to Get My Painful Periods Diagnosed

   And I know I’m far from the only one

3. “If you feel like you’re blowing up your life, ask yourself if the opposite is true. Maybe you’re bringing your real life into being for the first time.”

   A perspective-shifting conversation on beating anxiety and the power of creativity and community, with life coach and self-help legend, Martha Beck

4. “There’s a tipping point for women where the anger penny drops, and they think WTF?!”

   Women aren't just angry, they're downright bloody furious. So now seems like a good time to chat to a woman who knows why – and what we can do about it, Dr Jennifer Cox

5. All of My Friends Are Ending Their Marriages
   OK, not all of them, and only the heterosexual ones. But I’m pretty sure I know why

And lastly, the piece that keeps on giving. A piece that I am constantly being told people return to again and again because it helps them see light at the end of a long dark tunnel:

1. The Picture That Prompted A Life Change
   I hate this photograph, but I owe it an enormous debt

• What do you think? Do any of these pieces reflect how you’re feeling about life right now? And, whether yes or no, what would you like to see more of here?