Finally, someone is writing about the tyranny of women's clothes. I've been held hostage to "dressing for who I want to be" for years. Perhaps it was the pandemic when my work clothes never saw the light of day, or perhaps it's just getting older and tired of trying to fit my foot into the glass slipper. Thanks for giving voice to the journey from stranglehold to liberation.
I remember reading a piece from a woman who had worked with architects and high-end advertising folks at one point. Wherever they met, in whatever corner of the globe, she noted that they all (male and female) wore muted colors and similar pieces of clothing. (Think Steve Jobs with his black turtlenecks and jeans.) The individuality was expressed through everything else--from earrings and eyeglasses to shoes and socks. And they didn't overdo it with those accessories, either.
Lucinda chambers said something similar on the podcast - she gives the appearance of being an eclectic dresser but it’s her accessories that do the heavy lifting
I'll confess, I feel somewhat outside of this conversation because, having lived barely inside the middle class for most of my life, I've always shopped in thrift stores. So, "currently fashionable" was always outside the confines of the possible. Living that way has, however, made me clearer from an early age that I like what I like and everyone else can sod off about it. As I've gotten older, the list of what I like has also gotten shorter (as well as my willingness to manage the chaotic realities of being a clothes horse. I have shit to do. I don't have time to wade through piles of unnecessary clothes and shoes.), so I have evolved a uniform of sorts. Definitely for winter, when I spend a fair amount of time outside. That winter uniform is: comfortable pants, preferably with pockets, a comfortable, sometimes colorful sweater, an enormous scarf, and Blundstones, which are simultaneously comfortable and stylish leather ankle boots made in Tasmania. Oh, and lovely, often large earrings.
Summer is a little bit more of a free-for-all. I do love a kicky dress and a pair of knee-high boots, but 9 times out of 10 I'm still gonna choose the simple uniform-- comfortable pants with pockets, a fitted shirt or tank, and my faithful Blundstones. Why mess with perfection?
In the last year, through my son who gifted me a pair, I discovered men's, flannel-lined, cotton cargo pants and OMG, I love them. I can wear them out and yet I *feel* like I'm in my jammies all day. They have SO MANY pockets. AND, I look like Linda Hamilton from Terminator 2. So, BADASS, in other words.
Yes. They're cut "relaxed" but that's relaxed for a man. Men don't have an ass like mine. So, I wear them riding a little low and big, so they are optimally comfortable in the hips and thighs. I'll often wear them with a more fitted sweater for balance. It's very 90s, admittedly, but my 16 year old tells me the 90s are back. :)
I thrifted a pair for my kid in Maine, which is, not shockingly, one of the BEST places for winter finds.
Speaking of thrifting/buying from the men’s dept., I have been told that if you take a pair of jeans, and wrap the waistband around your neck, if the ends touch it will be a perfect fit. Haven’t tried but it kind of makes sense? 🤷♀️
I’m the same… always wanted to shop in menswear for its simplicity. If I find something that doesn’t hate me back I buy multiples too. Wish I’d started sooner. Plus I try and repair everything including my most loved jeans! I adore and am getting more uniform!
I buy clogs (always on sale) from Swedish Hasbeens, No. 6 Store, and my latest discovery, Nisolo!!
Funny, after I wrote my comment, I recalled back to my former drinking days—when sometimes I would change outfits up to five times a day, thinking I would appear as others wished me to be.
I do really wish Substack would figure out how to allow the posting of pics in comments. There are so many conversations I end up in where it would be fun and build greater community.
I’m very late to discovering the joy of the shirt! For the last decade I have defaulted to a dress but was starting to feel a bit like Mrs Doubtfire with my menopause boobs. Lovely husband got me a personal shopper for my birthday and she opened up the wonder of separates! Everything goes and I have half the clothes. Amazing! Also a midlife problem page sounds ace x
Sam, you have a gift! As ever, you managed to pick a seemingly random topic (uniforms) and turn it into a properly funny, honest and truly insightful piece - in awe of your scribey-brilliance!!!!
Haha! Ahhhhhh yup.., at 62 I can still spend wayyyyy too long in front of my closet, wondering what to wear. Whether going to work or worse a social get together with friends… for whatever reason, I’ve never been very great at dressing myself so that I look and feel good… , however when I look back at old photos I realize that I actually looked really pretty great, don’t know why I worried so much… Now that I’m well into menopause, I’m really flummoxed, as my waist no longer exists and I resemble more of a “chubby tube” as one writer recently described her menopausal body. So I resort to wearing a lot of Seasalt Cornwally type tunics to cover up my tubular shape, I recently gave away 6 pairs of jeans that I’d never worn, preferring the man jeans I bought years ago that have worn through the knees and ripped…. I guess I veer towards my old jeans and baggy tops, I’ve made comfort a priority over worrying about fashion or sexy looking.
I have noticed that as I age I give less and less of a hoot about what others think, and that is a fine thing.
The menopausal vanishing waist is real. I feel like I woke up one morning with an extra couple of inches of padding all over my body and nothing ever fit the same again, no matter how much exercise I did. "Dad jeans" are my favourite too. Can't stand a high waist (even if I could find mine...)
Yes. All of this. Over the past four years, living with a debilitating illness, I resorted to a big hooded sweatshirt, black leggings and a tee shirt which was completely hidden. Hair either loose or a messy bun. I hung out at home, bedridden in comfy clothes, wore them to travel for surgery, and to MD appointments when I had to.
Now that I’m healing, I must once again turn the tumbler of my closet and find the “next thing.”
I’m thinking black or khaki slacks, oversized blue / white or striped man’s shirt, a vee neck tank/ halter and either low slides or sneakers depending on my mood.
I’m 50% too fed up with fashion to be cool, 20% too old to care for anything other than classy, and
And of course, goofy me, I got distracted and forgot to say the most important thing… my aforementioned choice of potentially cool new clothes would look simply dreadful on me since I’m only 5’3” ( and shrinking) and built more like a stout Irish woman than a lithe cool model. One can dream tho.
Oh god yes! The hours (and money) wasted every morning for years standing in front of wardrobe before dashing into corporate London and flinging on 4inch heels as I ran into the office. Now it’s comfy jumper, boots and some very wearable silver jewellery. Definitely have a couple of great coats (bought in sales) that go with everything and the joy of a scarf cannot be underestimated! Such a damn relief to no longer care about wearing the latest anything. And I would love a midlife problem column, especially by you Sam!
I get bored too easily for a proper uniform and the colours I reach for have to meet the mood of the day… BUT there is a seasonal rotation—blue-black-slate cords or long skirts, with lots of layering in winter, loose linens in summer, brighter colours.
And I’ve discovered the shirt very late in life, so long as they are collarless! I want to learn how to sew so I can make infinite variations of blocky t-shirt shaped blouses in linen, flannel and cord.
Uniform definitely. Every time animal prints come back into fashion, I wonder if I could learn to love it anywhere other than on bags and shoes. The answer is no and it always will be. I know what I'm happiest in and I don't want to have to consider buying a whole new set of underwear purely to carry off a look that's not me; I love clothes and dressing up, but not every single day when there are so many more interesting and important things to wrestle with. (I'm with you on body dysmorphia, by the way - I don't hate my body, but it's a fact that I could be in better shape / could have better posture and some clothes don't suit me, so let's move on).
Great post! I work in the apparel industry, and have always found it hard to meet the expectations of dressing «fun, fresh, and new». Sometimes going to work feels like a catwalk… When I was youngerband had less money I always dressed in black pants and a white T-shirt. Feeling inspired by you I will update m old uniform with some shirts and a blazer! Thanks 💕
Last year some time I got into Marie kondo moment and donated half my wardrobe away. Then I continued to wear the same few favorites and not missing anything anyway! I kept some for nostalgia and some for special events, else basics, layering on in winter and stripping off in summer, then repeat, and repeat. The problem with uniform is the clothes do wear out quicker! Good idea to buy a bunch when it fits, and wash less especially if it's wool, just air dry it and some spot washing where needed.
Finally, someone is writing about the tyranny of women's clothes. I've been held hostage to "dressing for who I want to be" for years. Perhaps it was the pandemic when my work clothes never saw the light of day, or perhaps it's just getting older and tired of trying to fit my foot into the glass slipper. Thanks for giving voice to the journey from stranglehold to liberation.
I remember reading a piece from a woman who had worked with architects and high-end advertising folks at one point. Wherever they met, in whatever corner of the globe, she noted that they all (male and female) wore muted colors and similar pieces of clothing. (Think Steve Jobs with his black turtlenecks and jeans.) The individuality was expressed through everything else--from earrings and eyeglasses to shoes and socks. And they didn't overdo it with those accessories, either.
Lucinda chambers said something similar on the podcast - she gives the appearance of being an eclectic dresser but it’s her accessories that do the heavy lifting
Rebecca A.Stevens, a woman of colour based in Europe wrote about the implicit racial discrimination if minimalist colour palette. It really opened my eyes.https://open.substack.com/pub/diaryofablackwomaninawhiteworld/p/what-is-considered-professional-attire
I'll confess, I feel somewhat outside of this conversation because, having lived barely inside the middle class for most of my life, I've always shopped in thrift stores. So, "currently fashionable" was always outside the confines of the possible. Living that way has, however, made me clearer from an early age that I like what I like and everyone else can sod off about it. As I've gotten older, the list of what I like has also gotten shorter (as well as my willingness to manage the chaotic realities of being a clothes horse. I have shit to do. I don't have time to wade through piles of unnecessary clothes and shoes.), so I have evolved a uniform of sorts. Definitely for winter, when I spend a fair amount of time outside. That winter uniform is: comfortable pants, preferably with pockets, a comfortable, sometimes colorful sweater, an enormous scarf, and Blundstones, which are simultaneously comfortable and stylish leather ankle boots made in Tasmania. Oh, and lovely, often large earrings.
Summer is a little bit more of a free-for-all. I do love a kicky dress and a pair of knee-high boots, but 9 times out of 10 I'm still gonna choose the simple uniform-- comfortable pants with pockets, a fitted shirt or tank, and my faithful Blundstones. Why mess with perfection?
ALL about pockets!!!
Yes!!!!
In the last year, through my son who gifted me a pair, I discovered men's, flannel-lined, cotton cargo pants and OMG, I love them. I can wear them out and yet I *feel* like I'm in my jammies all day. They have SO MANY pockets. AND, I look like Linda Hamilton from Terminator 2. So, BADASS, in other words.
I need to know more about these!
https://www.amazon.com/Wrangler-Authentics-Fleece-Lined-British/dp/B0887Z5431/ref=sr_1_2?crid=15WMWFDS5VFFS&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.lnuqN6-FsixT73TN-VMv7eeL3WH6MCfWhSVF3fM1y1IcLjGWDH_i8A2NcESAnWKSSBcRGwsmt_NiUMIy3H3gBVgOV9oiR8eeoXhoQElD_C1evKv5T0mqf09mJxRBpFMk-EgGdGb_t-2Ak3IddWi5-zpJ3-JNr7iRtSegCZ_wIIfu6a_rfn0pCfjWqX_thDWL3ic4iAgVOy1QaFqv6Hi3O-PPxbQSf-Ttbvn1buJRckxjAjNk7ngYjYRmp5M1goSPnFGXCAOhkBtINBBef-KDJg56-2NQgzKkbQM8RIV7coo.ywl_qw-9Ntacg313_VYz45hSwXgfiCMy4JNvIJajA0Q&dib_tag=se&keywords=dickie%27s%2Bflannel-lined%2Bcargo%2Bpants&qid=1712243943&sprefix=dickie%27s%2Bflannel-lined%2Bcargo%2Bpants%2Caps%2C71&sr=8-2&th=1
I would never in a million years have looked at those. Do you wear them big?
Yes. They're cut "relaxed" but that's relaxed for a man. Men don't have an ass like mine. So, I wear them riding a little low and big, so they are optimally comfortable in the hips and thighs. I'll often wear them with a more fitted sweater for balance. It's very 90s, admittedly, but my 16 year old tells me the 90s are back. :)
I thrifted a pair for my kid in Maine, which is, not shockingly, one of the BEST places for winter finds.
Speaking of thrifting/buying from the men’s dept., I have been told that if you take a pair of jeans, and wrap the waistband around your neck, if the ends touch it will be a perfect fit. Haven’t tried but it kind of makes sense? 🤷♀️
Kinda!
I’m the same… always wanted to shop in menswear for its simplicity. If I find something that doesn’t hate me back I buy multiples too. Wish I’d started sooner. Plus I try and repair everything including my most loved jeans! I adore and am getting more uniform!
When I think of the hours and self esteem lost in battle with clothes that were always going to win… sob.
Winter uniform: jeans, Birkenstocks clogs, black Banana Republic cotton vneck t, Nordstrom v-neck cashmere sweater or hoodie (watch for clearance sales!).
Summer uniform: linen skirt or wide-leg pants, linen t, cotton cardigan, Birkenstocks sandals
Love this ~ love the simplicity of a uniform as not a “disguise” but of being my “best self” too.
For me that means: turtlenecks (mostly white), cropped jeans and clogs in different colors - because there’s always room for more.
I wish we could post pics in comments. I'd love to see your look. Where do you get your clogs?
I buy clogs (always on sale) from Swedish Hasbeens, No. 6 Store, and my latest discovery, Nisolo!!
Funny, after I wrote my comment, I recalled back to my former drinking days—when sometimes I would change outfits up to five times a day, thinking I would appear as others wished me to be.
Those were NOT the days… . ..
and I’d love to see these uniforms, too!!
I do really wish Substack would figure out how to allow the posting of pics in comments. There are so many conversations I end up in where it would be fun and build greater community.
I’m very late to discovering the joy of the shirt! For the last decade I have defaulted to a dress but was starting to feel a bit like Mrs Doubtfire with my menopause boobs. Lovely husband got me a personal shopper for my birthday and she opened up the wonder of separates! Everything goes and I have half the clothes. Amazing! Also a midlife problem page sounds ace x
What a keeper he is. I was conscious writing this that my comparative lack of boobs gives me shirt privileges!
Shirts are working for me and my bazookas - thought it would make me look like a flump but adding a layer with something more fitted seems to work!
Sam, you have a gift! As ever, you managed to pick a seemingly random topic (uniforms) and turn it into a properly funny, honest and truly insightful piece - in awe of your scribey-brilliance!!!!
Wow thank you. Always such a relief to hear it resonates x
Your post reminded me of this terrific piece by Anne Kadet, who wears the same thing every day: https://open.substack.com/pub/annekadet/p/uniform
She is hardcore!
I love this. Since I accidentally do have a uniform and it is most definitely black! With occasional flashes of leopard print.
Haha! Ahhhhhh yup.., at 62 I can still spend wayyyyy too long in front of my closet, wondering what to wear. Whether going to work or worse a social get together with friends… for whatever reason, I’ve never been very great at dressing myself so that I look and feel good… , however when I look back at old photos I realize that I actually looked really pretty great, don’t know why I worried so much… Now that I’m well into menopause, I’m really flummoxed, as my waist no longer exists and I resemble more of a “chubby tube” as one writer recently described her menopausal body. So I resort to wearing a lot of Seasalt Cornwally type tunics to cover up my tubular shape, I recently gave away 6 pairs of jeans that I’d never worn, preferring the man jeans I bought years ago that have worn through the knees and ripped…. I guess I veer towards my old jeans and baggy tops, I’ve made comfort a priority over worrying about fashion or sexy looking.
I have noticed that as I age I give less and less of a hoot about what others think, and that is a fine thing.
The menopausal vanishing waist is real. I feel like I woke up one morning with an extra couple of inches of padding all over my body and nothing ever fit the same again, no matter how much exercise I did. "Dad jeans" are my favourite too. Can't stand a high waist (even if I could find mine...)
high waists are the WORST post menopause, truly.
I hated them pre-menopause tbh.
agreed ~ I am very
much a midrise kind of gal, but now they aren’t even an option 😂
😩
Yes. All of this. Over the past four years, living with a debilitating illness, I resorted to a big hooded sweatshirt, black leggings and a tee shirt which was completely hidden. Hair either loose or a messy bun. I hung out at home, bedridden in comfy clothes, wore them to travel for surgery, and to MD appointments when I had to.
Now that I’m healing, I must once again turn the tumbler of my closet and find the “next thing.”
I’m thinking black or khaki slacks, oversized blue / white or striped man’s shirt, a vee neck tank/ halter and either low slides or sneakers depending on my mood.
I’m 50% too fed up with fashion to be cool, 20% too old to care for anything other than classy, and
30% go away if I no longer appeal to you.
And of course, goofy me, I got distracted and forgot to say the most important thing… my aforementioned choice of potentially cool new clothes would look simply dreadful on me since I’m only 5’3” ( and shrinking) and built more like a stout Irish woman than a lithe cool model. One can dream tho.
Oh god yes! The hours (and money) wasted every morning for years standing in front of wardrobe before dashing into corporate London and flinging on 4inch heels as I ran into the office. Now it’s comfy jumper, boots and some very wearable silver jewellery. Definitely have a couple of great coats (bought in sales) that go with everything and the joy of a scarf cannot be underestimated! Such a damn relief to no longer care about wearing the latest anything. And I would love a midlife problem column, especially by you Sam!
I get bored too easily for a proper uniform and the colours I reach for have to meet the mood of the day… BUT there is a seasonal rotation—blue-black-slate cords or long skirts, with lots of layering in winter, loose linens in summer, brighter colours.
And I’ve discovered the shirt very late in life, so long as they are collarless! I want to learn how to sew so I can make infinite variations of blocky t-shirt shaped blouses in linen, flannel and cord.
I have a good friend who’s the same. She couldn’t bear to dress how I do - and I couldn’t bear to dress how she does. She loves that morning ritual.
Well now… I can’t say that I love it, and share your dressing dread most days!
Uniform definitely. Every time animal prints come back into fashion, I wonder if I could learn to love it anywhere other than on bags and shoes. The answer is no and it always will be. I know what I'm happiest in and I don't want to have to consider buying a whole new set of underwear purely to carry off a look that's not me; I love clothes and dressing up, but not every single day when there are so many more interesting and important things to wrestle with. (I'm with you on body dysmorphia, by the way - I don't hate my body, but it's a fact that I could be in better shape / could have better posture and some clothes don't suit me, so let's move on).
🙌
Great post! I work in the apparel industry, and have always found it hard to meet the expectations of dressing «fun, fresh, and new». Sometimes going to work feels like a catwalk… When I was youngerband had less money I always dressed in black pants and a white T-shirt. Feeling inspired by you I will update m old uniform with some shirts and a blazer! Thanks 💕
I’m sitting on the train to London wearing jeans and a blue stripe shirt, men’s blazer. Packing has never been easier!
Last year some time I got into Marie kondo moment and donated half my wardrobe away. Then I continued to wear the same few favorites and not missing anything anyway! I kept some for nostalgia and some for special events, else basics, layering on in winter and stripping off in summer, then repeat, and repeat. The problem with uniform is the clothes do wear out quicker! Good idea to buy a bunch when it fits, and wash less especially if it's wool, just air dry it and some spot washing where needed.