30 things women over 40 want you to know
Talking to each other is just the first step
Sometimes the simplest advice is the most hard won. That’s why, every time I do an interview, I make sure to ask, what advice would you give a younger woman? (Whether that woman is one year younger or twenty or fifty is immaterial, wisdom is wisdom.) These nuggets often stay with me, long after the interview is edited and aired – I might not always be younger but we can all benefit from another woman’s hard-won experience. So, I thought I’d share some of my favourites here. Let me know what resonates, and perhaps you could share the life lessons you’d like to pass on in the comments below.
• No should. Start working now on getting rid of the whole concept of should in your mind.
• If you're waiting for something in order to begin – waiting to get done with something or the next chapter of your life to be done in order to do something – maybe actually just see what you could do right now instead. What little way you could begin now today, instead of waiting to be ready.
• Talk to each other.
Isabel Allende
• Never attach your self worth to something that moves.
Donna Ashworth
• Your story is your story. We are the storytelling species and it is our responsibility to ourselves and to the people who come after us – and even to the people who come before us – to tell our stories as fearlessly as we can. It's not always easy. It’s rarely easy. Cultures are involved, family myths are involved, dangers are involved, but tell your story, it belongs to you.
• Everything they tell you is a lie. So look at the opposite of what they tell you, and you will find the truth. If leaving a job or a relationship or whatever feels like you're blowing up your life, ask yourself if the opposite may be true. It may be that you're bringing your real life into being for the first time, assembling your life. Not blowing it to bits, but bringing in the bits and creating something true.
Martha Beck
• Look outwards, just look outwards. Don’t think about what the world thinks of you, ask what you want from it.
• If you feel weird about something, then it’s weird.
Bella Freud
• Don’t listen to people who tell you who you are or what you should be doing, because there are so many industries that benefit from that.
Taffy Brodesser-Akner
• 99% of everything you worry about never happens.
Trinny Woodall
•Keep feeling your feet.
• Try not to care as early as you can. I think about the 'hunt for love', and how much people change themselves in the pursuit of that, and I just want to tell people that you don’t want to find the person who loves you because of all the work you’ve done that can’t possibly be kept up. Find someone who loves you in comfortable shoes and will look after you when you’re sick, because that’s what love actually is in the long term, it’s got nothing to do with big romantic gestures.
• You’re right on time. I had the sense when I was young that I had to hurry up and get to a certain place and I missed a lot. Just be where you are. See what’s here.
Melissa Febos
• Don’t be afraid to grow old.
Lyn Slater
• Good friends are really, really valuable.
Kit de Waal
• Develop a good sociopath radar! If he's love bombing you, and then it's all terrible, and you're the worst person in the world. If they're telling you, you're nothing without me. Run for the hills. Try and recognise it early on. Don't get sucked in.
Olia Hercules
• Always believe that change is not only possible but necessary. Don’t put yourself in a position where you think you’ve arrived. You’re not supposed to.
• Read Elena Ferrante. Almost every problem I ever had is in the Neapolitan series.
Torrey Peters
• Don’t dial down your light. Turn it up brighter. Use it to light the way
Abi Morgan
• Please worry less about what other people think of you, they probably aren't thinking of you nearly as much as you are. Let it go.
Barbara Kingsolver
• Don’t get stuck waiting. Waiting for a promotion, waiting for a proposal, waiting to make a change. Don’t wait. Make it happen for yourself. You have the tools, you have the strength, so don’t sit around waiting for someone else to make it happen for you.
• Your looks are the least interesting thing about you. That’s not where you want to be spending your energy.
• Don’t listen to men!
• Travel hopefully. A lot of the messaging around being a woman and being a girl is quite negative, for lots of reasons. But raise your eyes up to the horizon, not down to the ground.
Kate Mosse
• Try things out. Boyfriends, clothes, jobs, give everything a go.
Lucinda Chambers
• Don’t let anyone distort your instincts, our instincts keep us safe.
• Slow down. You’re not racing to your grave. You don’t have to do everything today.
Nana Ama-Danquah
• Don’t give up. Keep going. If you’re looking for the light, you’ll find it. Moonlight, starlight, sunlight, whatever. It’s there.
Dr Gladys McGarey
• Don’t people please. People pleasing will be the death of you.
Karen Arthur
• Try to recognize that you're good enough. You're good enough! What you are is actually unique. There's only one fucking version of you and you can say no, and also, I think, try to be yourself. It's okay. It’s okay.
Neneh Cherry
• Now it’s your turn. What one thing would you want to tell other women?
Resolve to accept the body you have today. Every morning, look at your body and decide to accept that it's fine as it is today. It's your choice. You can spend your precious energy hating it and wishing it was different or you can just try out accepting it, one day at a time.
Putting other people’s desires ahead of your own, whether it be a parent, friend, or partner, does not make you a hero and is not required to make you a good person, daughter, friend, or partner. It is okay to listen to your own desires and to put yourself first when something really matters to you. You don’t need to feel guilty for doing this. You only have one life, don’t spend it serving the desires of other people.