Role models and the older woman
What a conversation with my teenage hero Neneh Cherry taught me about the need to see what we can be
The other day I was listening to a podcast in which two women in their mid/late twenties discussed the awards-magnet movie, The Substance, (in which Demi Moore plays the scrap-heaped-at-50 Elisabeth Sparkle), patriarchy, beauty standards and the ageing process. And how basically the whole thing sucks. I was nodding along wisely when suddenly one of them said something along the lines of, ‘I mean come on, what’s her problem, shouldn’t she be retired and living in a big house in the country at 50 anyway? Why would she want to keep on going?’
I stopped, paused, rewound. Yep. I had heard her right.
Oh how I laughed. After I’d found a wall to punch.
It was flippant. Of course it was. I’m sure I would have said something equally thoughtless and patronising (not to mention economically deluded) at around the same age. Come on bed blockers, move along there and make room for us creative young upstarts!
But it consolidated for me that there is more than one problem here. Yes, yes, it’s patriarchy and beauty standards and ageism and the lionisation of youth and the male gaze and how we internalise it (remember that brilliant Margaret Atwood quote about how inside every woman there is a man watching a woman…?) all rolled into one. But it’s not just the male gaze is it? Listening to these two smart, inclusive young women dismissing not just older women but their future selves made me realise just how far we have to go in addressing the younger female gaze.
This notion of failing to respect our achievements as we age, and the idea that creativity suddenly dries up along with our oestrogen are just two of the things that I discussed with award winning singer/ songwriter/ producer Neneh Cherry, 60, on this week’s episode of The Shift podcast. Her reaction made me want to punch the air rather than a wall.
“I don’t feel in any way like I’m done. Whatever that is,” she said, rolling her eyes. “The idea that we’re going to stop because a certain amount of time has passed… It makes me want to start a riot.”