The Shift With Sam Baker

The Shift With Sam Baker

Share this post

The Shift With Sam Baker
The Shift With Sam Baker
Is silence holding you back?
Guest columns

Is silence holding you back?

Silence is sneaky, says Elaine Lin Hering. If you want to live life fully, here's how to start unlearning its lessons

sam baker
Apr 25, 2024
∙ Paid
31

Share this post

The Shift With Sam Baker
The Shift With Sam Baker
Is silence holding you back?
3
1
Share
Harvard Law School lecturer and author of Unlearning Silence, Elaine Lin Hering (pic: Cat Coppenrath)

The Shift With Sam Baker is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, why not consider becoming a paid subscriber.

I've always wanted to be an 86-year-old grandmother. Because the 86-year-old grandmothers I've known don't seem to worry anymore about what people think. They say what they want. They do what they want. They spend far less energy contorting themselves to be who people might want them to be. They spend life just living. 

The best part? The people around them seem to accept them as well. As if, if you’ve lived that long you’ve earned the right to be who you are, to say what you really think, to give or not give a care as you please. Perhaps people think, if she hasn’t changed by now, she’s probably not going to so we’ll accept her as she is. There is no more time for pretending and posturing. 

It’s a far cry from how my life often feels. As the youngest daughter of an immigrant family from Taiwan to the United States, I was always hyper aware of the needs of others. Of needing to defer to my elders, of respecting their wishes, of trying to blend in, to fit in. I got really good at reading the room and contorting myself to make myself palatable to others. But where in all of that is there room for me? Not me as wife, mother, daughter, colleague, neighbour, friend – but me, with my own needs, goals, hopes, dreams, and quirks?

What if instead of waiting until we’re 80+ years old to live as we intend, or never making it because life cuts us short, we could do that now? 

This post is for paid subscribers

Already a paid subscriber? Sign in
© 2025 sam baker
Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Start writingGet the app
Substack is the home for great culture

Share